Clash Of The Titans (2010, Louis Leterrier)

"That Kraken was f**kin' big!"

That's basically all there is to be said about this movie. Really. The best thing about this movie is the jokes my friends were making about it once it was over. I'm not going to recount those to you, because I'm going to bet they won't be as funny now.

This is serious crap, and not the kind of crap that is so bad it's entertaining. Actually, to me, it's infuriating a small fortune was spent to make this horrendous pile of turd. The script was a horrible mess, the 3D wasn't really all that interesting, the effects were run of the mill (at best), and you spend an hour and thirty minutes basically being told Perseus is going to have to fight The Kraken, and he never actually fights The Kraken.

The drugs in Hollywood must really be top shelf, high grade stuff.

This film has only one redeeming quality. Gemma Arterton is ethereally beautiful. She's still not beautiful enough to have made this worth the time.

There's some choice xenophobia running around in there and the cadre of Greek Gods who do show up in the film are wasted. Go pick up a book about Greek mythology if you want to see how cool they actually are meant to be. Hell, they were cooler in the original film, stop motion animation and all.

C.G.I and cool looking creatures do not fix everything. In fact, they fix nothing. They should be used to enhance the story, something which doesn't really exist here.

Save your money. Watch this on Cable in a few years when TNT runs a marathon. This movie just plains sucks.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010, directed by Steve Pink)

Don't think for one second that Hot Tub Time Machine isn't an asinine, juvenile, vulgar comedy, because that's exactly what it is. It doesn't inspire to be anything more than that. But in being asinine, juvenile, and vulgar, it succeeds with flying body fluids.

Also, don't make the mistake of thinking their is going to be some kind of heavy sci-fi explanation of how a hot tub can become a time machine, because there's not. Thankfully, Hot Tub Time Machine is smart enough not to insult anyone to that degree. The hot tub and the time machine are excuses for lots of eighties jokes, so that you're not just stuck with dick and fart jokes. Personally, I'm not offended by dick and fart jokes, especially when they succeed at being as funny as this movie is.

Rob Corddry steals the show as Lou, the loser friend with no moral standards, who screws your sister, and makes an ass of himself at every party. He's got some really great lines and he seems to really be reveling in getting the chance to plays someone as uninhibited as this character is. He's hilarious.

The rest of the cast deliver absolutely solid performances, John Cusack playing exactly the same kind of role he used to play in the eighties films this is an homage to. Crispin Glover gets one of the best running gags in the film as a bell hop of many talents. Clark Duke and Craig Robinson are really hilarious as well. Chevy Chase shows up in a few scenes as the "wise man" character who might know something about how the hot tub became a time machine, but he's really not at his best or the material doesn't suit him because he's forgettable.

The short story is that if you can enjoy good comedy that is purposely avoiding any kind of higher meaning and going for the crude but very funny joke, you'll enjoy this. This one's really well done all around and I'll be picking it up on DVD when it hits the shelves.